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073. Tears Dry on Their Own

Dear Solmates,


Happy (almost Humpday!)


Despite the fact I've been under the weather the past few days, it's remarkable how for the first time in a long time I gave myself permission to slow down, nearly to a complete stop, save for the moments I chose to fight back against my migraines. (Not one of my smartest choices, but I digress.)


Being ill only reminded me of one of my fears - the fact that I've only a little bit of time on this earth to do the things, to chase joy, to be productive and this momentary lapse in wellness and self-care won't stop me from doing the things. I must do the things.


Of course I'm wrong. But have YOU ever tried to convince me I'm wrong? Good luck. Imagine me vs. myself. It takes time for a clear winner to emerge. But my silence on social media is proof that I'm listening to my body and trying to make good choices.


As I cycled through my standard bag of tricks to calm my mind, I landed on singing, and sang Back to Black by Amy Winehouse. Flat on my back, eyes closed, to my own tempo. I liked it enough to record it, too. I thought a lot about Amy Winehouse, how her music got me through some of the most devastating moments of my life, and how utterly heartbroken I was when I heard she lost her battle with addiction. (And this boys, and girls, happened in the dark ages before things could go "viral".) Amy's relationship with addiction felt a lot like what I go through - wanting to do all the things - and how I believe we all have our vices. I want to do all of the things, but I'm not ready to leave this world, not yet. Am I comparing myself to Amy Winehouse? Only in that universal human way that says - "I empathize with that, completely."


So while flat on my back, drifting between migraine pains, I thought about my vices, and how I owe it to myself to continue to fight them. So Solmates, I'm down, but I'm not out and that's okay. Life is a beautiful struggle but it's okay to catch your breath when you need to.


A humble tribute to Amy Winehouse - because my brain couldn't and wouldn't let her go. No sponsors, just a bit of a spacer post as I get better.


Solfully Yours,

S.




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